Tips that make the year really count
It is one thing to set a goal and achieve it, but how do we confidently know whether that goal is the right one?
Most of us will make a New Year resolution, yet only 12% will ever realise it. Research shows that we make more resolutions to start a new habit, than to break one. Typical resolutions include:
- Increase exercise
- Be more conscientious about work or school
- Develop better eating habits
- Stop smoking, drinking, or using drugs (including caffeine)
Philosopher, Caroline West, of the University of Western Sydney reveals that in our quest for greater fitness, we spend more time shopping for leisure goods than engaging in leisure itself and spend more time watching sport on TV, rather than playing it ourselves.
Empirical research on leisure pursuits that deliver a healthy dose of satisfaction suggest we should refrain from typical New Year resolutions and progress some or all of the following: socialising , community work, visiting new places, meditation or worship, cultural activities, being engrossed in a stimulating book or hobby, getting a good nights sleep and physical exercise.
Because of society’s increasing expectations for dads to be actively involved parents, most of us yearn for more of what we find increasingly harder to get, TIME. This becomes a distant reality when we have kids craving our undivided attention, so why not set a few goals for 2010 that bring you and the kid’s sustained satisfaction:
- Identify a project and build it: e.g. Veggie / herb garden, a billy-cart, fishpond. For more
- Explore. Take advantage of our multi-cultural communities, jump on some public transport and discover new food and cultures. Make it a regular event.
- Share a book, either read it to the young ones or form a monthly book club.
- Community work. Together you can decide who, why, where and when.
- Get into a new sport. Either as spectators (e.g. Winter Olympics) or as participants, consider martial arts, yoga, tennis, jogging and walking etc…
- Do a short course: art, craft, pottery, gardening, sailing, wood work etc…
- Be king of the kids: Do an inspiring activity each weekend
Once you have identified your aspired outcome, it is important to create a plan that ensures you see it through. Professor Richard Wiseman, Hertfordshire University, offers the following tips for success:
- Men should set specific goals
- Women should tell others about their resolution
- We should all avoid leaving the decision to New Year’s Eve
- Deciding to revisit a past resolution sets you up for frustration and disappointment
- Choose something new, or approach an old problem in a new way
- Those who make vague plans were more likely to fail – for example instead of planning to go running twice a week you should plan to go running at specific times every week
- Men may be more likely to adopt a macho attitude and have unrealistic expectations, and so simple goal setting helps them achieve more
Like business goals, our personal goals, should be specific, realistic, achievable, timely and measurable.
Our plans too often focus us primarily on a life of work, usually with transparent and tangible milestones. Dads would do well to develop a plan that pursues lasting joy and satisfaction with their kids.
What will you achieve with your kids by December 2010?
Need some inspiration? Watch this with the kids
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[...] 7. Affection. Not just in the bedroom. 8. Team effort: Share domestic duties. 10. Take Care of Yourself Both Physically and Emotionally, she’ freaked out by the suicide statistic : 2000 + males top themselves every year versus 400+ females. Check out the book: The real man’s tool box by Tammy Farrell. 11. When it’s time to hang up the boots, commit to that vasectomy. 12. Be happy, if your job sucks, move on: take control. Tips to make 2010 your year. [...]
Goal setting can be an annual family activity in which family members discuss and set family goals and personal goals within a larger goal. This process teaches children about planning ahead and making commitments. Dr. Lopez recommends:
Children should make New Year’s goals that are reasonable, measurable and concrete. Resolutions that are overly ambitious and can’t realistically be achieved should be avoided. Keep them simple, achievable, and positive,” says Dr. Lopez. Parents should never encourage a goal if it is unhealthy or unattainable.
Parents should have similar goals to their child. If a child wants to become healthier, parents should encourage healthy behavior and lead by example, like buying less junk food at the grocery store. A concrete goal could be playing the Wii Fit three times a week together. This will not only help the child from struggling alone, but will also demonstrate the importance of teamwork and support.
Rewards help. Because children like to see results, Dr. Lopez suggests a sticker chart for young children who can measure their goals on a day or weekly basis. For older children, weekly rewards may help keep motivation up.
“Making New Year’s resolutions is not essential for children, and there are many other ways for families to bond,” says Dr. Ammerman. “However, the value of resolutions is that we own them and are self-motivated to achieve them. When a child fulfills a goal or resolution, he or she feels satisfaction because they have set a goal and met it.”
Dr. Samuel Gladding, a licensed professional counselor with a specialty in family counseling and chair of the Department of Counseling at Wake Forest University also suggests that while New Year’s is usually a time for making personal resolutions, families can use the turning of the calendar year to set goals too.
“Family resolutions can be fun and fulfilling in that they help you as a family see the year ahead,” says Gladding, who has written several books on family and group counseling. “Making resolutions encourages families to be proactive rather than reactive. Many families get caught up in comfortable routines, but sometimes they’re not growth-promoting.”
Gladding suggests having a family meeting in the new year to take stock of what would make life better for everyone. Family meetings should be held regularly throughout the year, but January 1 is a good time to start the tradition for families who are not already sitting down to talk on a regular basis. Here he offers some tips on how to make the most of the meetings:
Eliminate distractions: When holding a family meeting, there should be no diversions. Turn the television off and sit in a circle — around the table or on the floor — where everyone is on the same level.
Give everyone a chance to talk: The family meeting is a time to talk over issues, set goals for the year and to do some practical planning. “In a family meeting, everyone should have a voice,” Gladding says.
Set priorities: “Are certain things building up in terms of frustrations or are family members involved in too many activities that aren’t meaningful? If so, address those at the start of the year and revisit them if needed during the year,” Gladding says.
Establish goals: Use the family meeting to set goals such as eating dinner together more frequently or setting aside more time for favorite family activities, he recommends. “This is a good opportunity to decide what activities are most important and figure out how to work more of them in,” Gladding says.
Put it on the calendar: Marking some things on the calendar is also a good idea. “Families can look at the calendar and put things in place that are traditions,” Gladding says. For his family, that involves marking off a week for a vacation at a favorite beach and choosing a weekend for going with his wife and three sons to the local water park. Once those things are planned, the family can look for new adventures and opportunities.
From information supplied by Wake Forest University and Cincinnati Children’s Hospital.