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[Jordan]

50% of kids living with only one parent saw their absent parent at least monthly, 28% never saw them or saw them less than once a year.
This is bad for kids because fathers have a powerful and positive impact on the health and development of their children.
Mothers stress nurturing while fathers stress achievement: both of these ar important when it comes to healthy development.
Good fathers, like good mothers make an irreplaceable contribution to the happiness and well being of kids.
Taken in part from Cardinal Pell in his article 'Men need to be better fathers'

[cogs]

Some additional information to add to the importance of why kids need fathers.

• 72.2% of the American population that does not have a father, end up having some type of social problem, (reference - the National Center for Health Statistics.)
• Statistics show that a boy growing up with the absence of his father is much more likely to become a delinquant and enter into a life of crime.

A boy without his fathers is much more likely to encounter

• Have a distorted sense of self-worth
• Feeling irrelevant in our society
• Rebelling against authority
• Being a passive male
• Having a deep sense of vulnerability
• Far less respect for the female gender
• Not understanding, respecting or embracing manhood
• Not understanding, respecting or embracing marriage
• Not understanding, respecting or embracing fatherhood

These are all societal undesirables not just my generalisation or opinion.
Are mothers Emasculating Boys?
She may be inadvertantly emasculating the Boy. To emasculate means: 1. To castrate. 2. To deprive of strength or vigor and to weaken. Debbie may be accomplish this catastrophic emasculation process by:

• Impeding boys natural gravitation towards things that boys love to do, (i.e. rough sports and aggressive play.
• By constantly scolding, condemning, yelling and screaming at him. This commonly used tactic erodes a boy’s self-confidence
• By being a domineering or overbearing mother. The mother may not only bruise their boys male ego, but they mutilate his male identity and condition him to be a cowardly passive male
• Constantly seeing his mother crying or throwing temper tantrums. When a boy sees these seemingly harmless emotional outbursts, he becomes conditioned to respond to the issues and pressures of life in the same manner as his mother.

Something to think about.

[Gir]

you no besides the last one, a father can emasculate his son too, my dad was there untill i was fifteen but never did much with us at all, constatly yelling and screaming at us, i think the fact i've only recently come out of my shell to even talk to another human, could have something to do with it

[sam]

Less than 10% of men are actually friends with their fathers so it is not surprising to hear blokes say...
"I blocked out these memories because they didn't match the story in my head"
From Steve Biddulph

[Jordan]

Are you sure it's 10%, that seems pretty low, maybe I am normal as I certainly fit into the other 90%...I'd be mortified if my son and i ended up the way I have with my dad. I model most of my father behaviour on the opposite of my dad - do I have issues?

[Jason Robertson]

I must say that 10% is a figure I find highly questionable.

Are there any stats on girls?

[Jason Robertson]

I grew up hardly knowing my father, but in those days it was difficult. I grew up with my mother and despite loving my father dearly always felt the need to be loyal to my mother and hide the fact I missed my dad so much. Growing up in a single parent relationship is awful. I agree that rowing parents probably do more harm than good, but for goodness sake if you are in a position where you can swallow any pride and try and work to get back together then do so. Go to counselling and LISTEN . You are NOT always right and have to hear what your partner says and ACT on it before it is too late. The same obviously has to apply to her as well. I took a good look at myself after I split up with my wife and know that I was wrong in alot of places. If I had sorted these out then we could have addressed the issues I had with her far more easily with her knowing that I had made the effort to sort things out.
Two parents sharing the love far outweighs each individual parent doing their own thing. The family unit is something that is the backbone of society yet it seems so easy to throw away without real effort from both parties. You wonder why the world is going down the tubes

[Brisvegas Dad]

Are you sure it's 10%, that seems pretty low, maybe I am normal as I certainly fit into the other 90%...I'd be mortified if my son and i ended up the way I have with my dad. I model most of my father behaviour on the opposite of my dad - do I have issues?

I dont think you have issues.  I was in the 90% for a while.  I honor my dad as my dad but growing up in the eighties my dad was quite busy with work or sport and when I look back we didnt seem to get an opportunity to bond much and build any sort of relationship.  My sports days were always attended by my mother and grandmother.  My dad had quite a violent tongue and often said things to me that hurt a great deal but I just had to suck it up.  If I cried it was a matter of "boys dont cry, look at you, you like a woos".  I too model my behaviour on the opposite.  I have vowed to myself that I will not let EJ experience what I did or grow up in a home like I did.  I make a huge effort not to treat my wife like he did my mom.  I live 1000's of miles away from my parents and I have found that I have started to build a relationship with my dad again over the phone and skype, although it can feel a little awkward at times.  I dont think I have issues, I just accept that you cant change the past, but you can make the future everything and more and I can choose to be a different father.  As a christian God has poured out His garce upon me and He has been the one who has enabled me to be the best husband and dad that I can be.  I love my wife and son more than I could express in words!!

Anyone listened to Dr Robi...

[Jordan]

I grew up with fighting parents, nothing physical just loads of ranting which creating a  very unnerving environment.
It was awful, there was little love, everything was a chore, ring your mother, do this for your grandparents.
No emotions, life from my father was a chore - it was boring and unpleasant.
We were sent to boarding school, which probably was a blessing but it just seemed they couldn't cope and that we were outsourced.
It was as though they gave up - there was little evidence of having a go, embracing life and reaching for happiness.
2 parents sounds great, I'd rather have half a parent and feel the warmth and emotion rather than 2 disengaged warring parents.
I thank my parents mostly  for showing me what not to be like.
Bitter? Probably.

[Brisvegas Dad]

Sorry Jordan, I didnt know it was that hetcic dude!!  In that sense you are right - rather have one loving parent than 2 unloving parents.  I am not sure of the era that you grew up in but I know from my era there were a lot of fathers who did not or were not able to show love and emotion.  Its really awesome though that you have been able to swing the total opposite and give your family and kids so much more.  I find for me that nurture wants to come through and I have to always be watching to make sure that I dont respond the way I have seen growing up.  Thank God I am able to move further and further away from that learned behaviour.

[Jordan]

Are you saying you avoid nurturing?

[Brisvegas Dad]

no, i am referring to the nature verse nurture, that is what comes natural from how you are born verse what you grow up with and learn from your parents.  my post is a little confusing in hindsight.

[Jason Robertson]

Dear Mr Rudd
I moved to Australia in early 2007 with my then wife and 3 children. Later 
that year my wife, without my knowledge, took my children back to Scotland, 
which you can imagine was the worst feeling a father could ever be exposed 
to.
I went through the High Court in Scotland and quite rightly my wife was found 
guilty of International Child Abduction under the Hague Convention. My 
children were ordered to be returned to Australia.

I have since remarried an Australian and we had a baby girl in June 2009.
At Christmas 2009, my new wife and I split up. Our relationship was rocky and 
volatile but there was never any violence from my side and certainly no abuse 
from either of us towards our daughter who we both love dearly.
My wife took our baby to a town some 40 minutes away and initially I did get 
some access with her albeit very sparingly and on her terms.

On Australia day, I was allowed to have our daughter for the day and we had a 
great time. My wife however got very angry when I was 10 minutes late from 
contacting her, although this had been prearranged that it would occur.
What followed was threats and intimidation and she attended at my house with 
family and friends and attempted to force her way into the house while our 
daughter was asleep inside. I was slightly injured after the window of my 
door got pushed in by my wife. I wished to protect my daughter from this and 
I contacted the police. After weighing up the circumstances, they issued my 
wife with a 24 hours police order to leave. I did not press charges as I love 
my wife and I do not wish her to have a criminal record. I was advised to get 
a Violence Restraining Order (VRO)which I did the next morning, but later 
withdrew a few days later as I wanted an amicable solution to the issues.

The day after the Australia day incident, through her solicitor, I was issued 
with a VRO, which described acts of historical abuse towards my wife that 
were totally fabricated and there was no mention of the incident of the 
previous day.
I was told I was not getting any access to our daughter unless I did 
supervised access for 2 hours at the weekend. I reluctantly agreed to this, 
despite I had never hurt my child in any way and love her that dearly that I 
would do anything to see her.
Supervised access for me having raised 3 other children was the most 
degrading, insulting and demoralising experience I ever had, to which I gave 
the pet name “boot Camp”,  but made the most of my time with our daughter 
and bonded extremely well as expected.

It appeared to me that a resident parent can vindictively punish their ex 
partner in any manner they feel, knowing there is no chance of defence until 
months after , by which time a valuable part of their child's life has been 
and gone.

I was told from Christmas time by my lawyer that I had to be patient and that 
I could not proceed with Family Law Court proceedings until Mediation had 
taken place. It took until Feb 24 to have mediation and in the 2 hours my 
wife and I  spend together, the subject of my access to our daughter was not 
mentioned and no agreement whatsoever was made. A further mediation date was 
set for March 23 which I was happy to attend.

My wife some 3 days later, again through her solicitor, made the unilateral 
decision that she was withdrawing from mediation and that I was not going to 
get ANY access to my child until court proceeding took place.
Despite the fact she had withdrawn from Mediation, both she and I were issued 
certificates under section 60 I of the Family Law Act 1975 stating that we 
had BOTH made genuine efforts to resolve the issues, to which I was 
devastated as it seemed to me to have been planned all along as some form of 
delay tactic and clearly a loophole being used.
Due to this certificate been issued to her, my wife has started court 
proceedings which may start on late March but may well go into April. This 
will mean I have lost 4 months of my child's life, which is soul destroying.

I am devastated that I am unable to see my daughter at all and powerless to 
defend myself until court and I feel that the whole process my wife and her 
solicitor has taken has totally abused and flaunted the current Family Law 
Court system. As such I have been completely denied my rights to see my child 
in the same was as my ex wife had by taking my children to Scotland.
There is no protective laws in place to stop this and I can understand why 
men (and women who may be in the same position) take the law into their own 
hands or even worse take their own life. I believe it is totally avoidable 
with simple protective laws preventing this abuse of the system by well paid 
lawyers.

I am a modern man who believes wholeheartedly that the laws are in place to 
protect the whole community regardless of sex or other diverse issue.

The current laws are so very biased to the self declared resident 
parent(normally the mother) and I am amazed in this modern world why a more 
equal stance is taken into account from both sexes. The only exception I see 
is the breastfeeding of a baby is important and obviously can only be done by 
the female. Some modern men are equally as able to raise a baby or child as a 
female and I believe it is time that a government funded world wide study be 
carried out into the many issues that non resident parents are faced with and 
given, as Australians are so proud of quoting, "A fair go"

The loopholes that are evident to allow the resident parent to prolong the 
agony that the non resident party suffers, is morally, ethically and from my 
understanding legally wrong. All agencies that I have spoken to agree it is 
unfair, yet no-one, but no-one, seems to care and it is allowed to plod on, 
under the radar as though it is filed in the 'too hard basket'. Nothing is in 
place to protect the non resident party other than a plethora of support 
sites and  telephone numbers to support depression.

The European Community has in place laws such as the Hague Convention to 
protect parents from abduction overseas, but there is nothing to protect the 
thousands of non resident parents in Australia who are subjected to the same 
feelings of despair, anguish, frustration and isolation due to one sided 
resident parent decisions. I know this from personal experience and am sorely 
disappointed in the treatment I am receiving.

Please could something be done as we are not all the same.
It is very easy to become a mother or a father but very difficult to become a 
good mother or father. If the law doesn't protect both from system loopholes 
then the end result is unhappiness from all parties, a child subjected to 
conflict and a flawed unjust system.

[Dave]

Jason,

I here and feel for you. I will track down more leads for you , for now try these as a start point.

http://www.dadsclub.com.au/child-support-agreements-get-the-essentials-here/

http://www.dadsclub.com.au/collaborate-or-litigate-%E2%80%93-that-is-the-question/