10 tips on Internet Dating: A dad’s point of view
It was a brand new world for this middle-aged guy, and Internet dating was the method-du-jour. I had my two young sons full-time so dating of any kind meant babysitters, or meeting during school hours.
I circumvented the standard profiles by changing mine, literally daily, making my profile in essence a blog. Oddly enough, I developed quite a following of (women) readers across the country. In its own way, that was the beginning of my writing career. I did the rest that was required and posted photos that were relatively current and I didn’t even Photoshop them too much.
But I quickly learned that truth was quite evasive on the Internet. While I didn’t peruse the profiles of the men on the dating sites that I used, I certainly became familiar with the women. It wasn’t rocket science to read between the lines. No photo meant there was a reason for no photo. Headshot only, meant there was a reason as well. Only one photo was equally suspicious. And, for us male slugs, let’s face the truth that our first impression is based on appearance.
What I also learned was that online dating was no different, in its essence, from in-person dating. The man did the pursuing; the woman did the choosing. Exceptions to every rule always exist, but I found I was reaching out to the women far more than the reverse. Quickly, I developed a thick skin, as maybe I would get a response to one in ten of the e-mail messages that I sent out.
The attractive women, at least attractive by the photos they posted, would sometime receive literally thousands of e-mail messages. I began dating one woman who told me that during a period of ten days, when we first began dating, she hadn’t checked her inbox. When she did, it had 9,000 e-mail messages. It certainly raised the question, why did she choose me? As great as I may think I am, I’m also realistic. The answer was quite sobering, as she said: the only way she could handle that volume was to do “eine meenie minie moe.” I was one of the lucky “moe’s” and what I wrote made her laugh, and that’s how we connected. Truly, lottery luck.
Before I tell you how I met my wife, I’d like to offer ten simple, non-gender specific dating tips; let’s call this Internet Dating 101:
1. If there’s no photo, there’s a reason. Move on.
2. Be patient. It’s a numbers game. Therefore, hang in there.
3. Don’t spend too much time e-mailing and chatting. If you feel there might be some chemistry, set up a meeting. First meeting is coffee only. Don’t make elaborate plans. If you like each other, there’s plenty of time for that. Also, if they’re too busy or it’s too difficult to schedule something, move on.
4. Don’t believe what you read. Be skeptical, but open. Most women lie about their age and weight; most men about their income and height.
5. Tell the truth about yourself — period, end of issue, no excuse.
6. Be clear on what you want and express it in your profile. Don’t be afraid to tell the truth. For example, if you’re a woman and you just don’t like men with thinning hair, save him and you the waste of time by being clear about that in your profile. For a guy, if height or weight is important to you in a woman, be honest about it.
7. While I tend to diss self-help books, the book “He’s Really Not Into You” had some plain truths. If there are signs of disinterest, he or she is disinterested. And, often, it has nothing to do with you. Move on.
8. Men and women, over 35 or so, if never married, are often trouble. Not just the men. Women who have never married are as set in their ways as men, and (I’m going to get killed for this) probably more hung up on their careers (note: this is the one that gets the most criticisms. To be clear, it’s a generality NOT a rule. And to be even more up front, I was 39 when I first got married and, frankly, I was a bit of “trouble” back then. When I divorced and started dating again, I heard the rap on guys that if they weren’t married by their mid-30’s there usually was a good reason, yet I found the women I met during that period who hadn’t been married were just as possibly “trouble” as I was back then and, in so many cases, really truly stuck in their ways. So, criticize away, but I stand by this regarding men AND women, but acknowledging again that there are exceptions to most generalities).
9. Always, if you’re a woman, meet in a public place and only give out your cell number, if you don’t call the guy yourself first (which is better).
10. Be patient and don’t take it personally.
I met Loren exactly the way I’ve described above, by sending her an e-mail, based on her attractive photo and profile. She claimed to read every one of the thousands of e-mail messages that she received and mine also made her laugh. We set up a coffee date. I completely forgot about our meeting! Yup, I forgot, leaving her stood-up thinking what I jerk I was. When I realized my horrific mistake, I called. She took the call with the full intention of blowing me off. The degree of my mea-culpas won her over. She said that the fact that I had kids made her think my mind might have been temporarily made of mush. We set a second date.
The rest, another time, but suffice it to say, the second date was successful enough for a third — and more. We were married on December 27, 2008.
By Bruce Sallon
Posted with permission from www.brucesallan.com
Bruce Sallan was an award-winning television executive and producer for 25 years. When his boys were quite young, Bruce left show biz to become a full-time Dad. Shortly thereafter his marriage ended and his wife abandoned their children, leaving the State. Bruce found himself a full-time single Dad, in his late forties, as well as a returning single man to the changed world of cyber-dating. It became a classic “sandwich” situation when he also began to care for his ailing parents. He began writing various blogs on the dating sites he used as well as articles for local publications. The goal of his column, A Dad’s Point-of-View, is to primarily focus on parenting and occasionally other issues from the male perspective. Presently, his column is available in over 75 newspapers and Web sites in the U.S. and internationally. Bruce lives in Agoura, California with his second (and last) wife and two boys, who are 15 and 12. Find Bruce on Facebook and add him as your friend. Just be sure to tell him you saw him here.
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25 Rules That Guys Wish Women Knew
1. Crying is blackmail.
2. Ask for what you want. Subtle hints don’t work.
3. Don’t cut your hair. Ever.
4. Sometimes, we’re not thinking about you. Live with it.
5. Get rid of your cat.
6. Anything we said six or eight months ago is inadmissible in an argument.
7. Anything you wear is fine. Really.
8. Christopher Columbus didn’t need directions, and neither do we.
9. You have too many shoes.
10. If you think you’re fat, you probably are. Don’t ask us.
11. Learn to work the toilet seat; if it’s up, put it down.
12. Mark anniversaries on a calendar.
13. Yes, peeing standing up is more difficult than peeing from point blank range. We’re bound to miss sometimes.
14. “Yes” and “no” are perfectly acceptable answers.
15. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor.
16. Don’t fake it. We’d rather be ineffective than deceived.
17. Sunday = sports.
18. If you don’t dress like the Victoria’s Secret girls, don’t expect us to act like soap-opera guys.
19. If something we said can be interpreted two ways, and one of the ways makes you sad and angry, we meant the other one.
20. Let us ogle. If we don’t look at other women, how can we know how pretty you are?
21. Don’t rub the lamp if you don’t want the genie to come out.
22. You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it done — not both.
23. Women wearing Wonderbras and low-cut blouses lose their right to complain about having their boobs stared at.
24. You have enough clothes.
25. Nothing says “I love you” like sex.
FROM
http://www.singleparentdatingaustralia.com/static/dating_tips/rules_guys_wish_women_knew.do
Too often I hear men complaining that women won’t respond to their emails after viewing their online dating profiles or return their calls. Men get frustrated and take down their profiles without realizing what they have done wrong. Here are my top 5 reasons why your email may end up in the trash bin and simple ways for you to correct it.
1. No Profile Photo. It’s fine for a woman to be a bit mysterious, but women do not view your missing photo as a challenge. They will think you are hiding something, are married or involved with someone, or are hideous looking. To increase your odds of getting a response, have your photos professionally taken and upload a few to your online dating profile.
2. You Wrote a Novel. Statistically, shorter profiles get read more often. If you compile a lengthy tale of your entire life story and your dream date, it’s a turn-off to most women. Novels are made for publishing houses. There is a fine balance between providing information about yourself and too much information. Leave room to get to know someone in real life. A profile should be a snapshot to pique her curiosity and for her to be excited to receive a call from you.
3. Suggesting a Late Night Date. Just what is the appropriate time of day to have your first date? If you are suggesting something after 8:00 pm, don’t be upset if your call doesn’t get returned. I know a man who left a voicemail message for a woman he had written to three weeks earlier. He wanted to meet her that night as he was planning to be in her neighborhood. He suggested meeting her at 9:00 pm. Regardless of what he was doing earlier in the evening, she pushed delete and conveniently lost his number. If you are interested in meeting someone, a first date shouldn’t start at 9:00 pm. I believe there should be a cut-off rule for first dates. A woman will surmise that someone else was scheduled for dinner and she won’t want to be on the menu for dessert. Suggest a mutually convenient time earlier in the evening.
4. Repeat Offender. You found the perfect profile among the millions of single women online. You write to her. She doesn’t respond within 24 hours. You write again the next day and ask her why she didn’t write back. Perhaps you even write to her a third time thinking she could be “the one.” Some singles are just busy with work, vacations, or other activities and don’t log on daily. Others have an overflowing Inbox and your email may get lost in the crowd. A woman will consider you needy and put you on the bottom of her list if you write to her multiple times. If you really think she is worth pursuing, wait a week or two and write again. Patience is a virtue and the best things in life are worth waiting for. After two emails with no return, I suggest you move on to someone who wants to meet you.
5. The Ex-Factor. Divorced singles are signing up for online dating sites in record numbers. Nothing turns off a woman more than a man talking about his ex-wife, ex-girlfriend, or even ex-job for that matter. Everyone deserves the opportunity for a new beginning. I suggest you leave the baggage behind. Unfortunately some singles use their online dating profile as an opportunity to get back at their ex. It’s just not appropriate and is a turn-off. If you graduate to a phone call from someone you met online, don’t ask questions about her previous relationships, complain about your difficult divorce, talk about your spousal support, or decide to share online dating stories together. Keep your first conversation light with the goal of putting a date on the calendar.
Remember, a healthy relationship will start online based upon mutual interests and common values, but it’s important to take the relationship offline to determine your level of compatibility.
Julie Spira is the author of the bestselling online dating book, The Perils of Cyber-Dating: Confessions of a Hopeful Romantic Looking for Love Online. She shares her stories to empower singles on the dating scene. Spira has appeared on numerous media outlets for her expertise in online dating including FOX News, E! Entertainment, CosmoGirl Radio, Glamour.com, BBC Radio, Men’s Health, and is the host of “Ask the Cyber-Dating Expert” radio show. Spira creates IRRESISTIBLE online dating profiles for singles looking for love online. Visit her at CyberDatingExpert.com for dating advice and where singles and couples share their online dating stories.
Read more: http://advice.eharmony.com.au/article/5-reasons-she-wont-call-you-back.html#ixzz0d0FLuUP3
No photo? I don’t put my photo up because I’m quite private and I don’t particularly want people I work with, for example knowing my private business.
I’m not ugly and I don’t lie in my profile about my body. And I’m always happy to share the photos on request.
You hit the mark on most things, but not that one.